Footballer after cancer relapse: "I'm ready to play again!"

Can I say that I'm invincible? (Laughs) Sounds cool, right? (Laughs) But, to be honest, I just feel happy. Happy for my family, friends, and for everything I have. I always say that the hardest part is being the first to face the disease, to go through the treatment... But in reality, it's worst for those around you, because they don't know what's inside you, they can't get into your head. I'm happy for myself, for my health, but even more for them, so they can live in peace and not worry about whether I'm okay.

I tried to take it as if my body was just asking for a break. It needed a stop so I could slow down a bit. The lymphatic system is closely connected to the nervous system, so I realized I needed to slow down. Daily training, the need to be in shape, competitions, constant pressure – it's not easy. Add to that the struggle with your own mind, which says every time before training: "Today is a good day, today is a bad day, today I'm not in shape"... All of this is exhausting. Both times this happened, I did the same thing: I tried to disconnect from everything, enjoy every day with my loved one, do things I couldn't afford as a professional football player, like going to the beach or playing paddle tennis. The most important thing was to spend time with loved ones, do things I couldn't do on weekends because I was busy with football.

When I returned in January, I underwent routine check-ups, but I felt good, I didn't feel tired or uncomfortable. I trained as usual. But when the tests showed bad results, doubts began to creep into my head. During training, I sometimes thought: "Is my brain telling my body that it's tired, or is it real fatigue due to the illness?" Honestly, I knew that the risk of recurrence was quite high after two years. I was tormented by the fear that it could happen again, although I tried to push these thoughts away. After the game with Getafe, my parents noticed that I was very tired and began to worry. They were talking among themselves that they felt I would have a recurrence. Before the game with Osasuna, I got a little scared because the hematologist said that I needed to rest because it was not worth subjecting my body to such a load. Therefore, during the game, I was a little out of it, thinking that it might be my last match. And when we went to Girona, I already felt tired before going out on the field, and during the game it only increased. Something was wrong, and it wasn't in my head, but in my body. Returning from Girona, I received a message from the hematologist asking me to come for a consultation the next day. I told Benito Ramírez, who was nearby at the time, that I probably had a recurrence.

When I was first diagnosed, I created a WhatsApp group with the closest people to inform them about the illness and what was in store for me. I wanted them to know about it first and understand everything from my point of view. After the recovery, the group remained, we joked there that it was only for barbecue gatherings. But when it happened again, I returned to this group to report the recurrence and that I wanted them to know about it first again. My girlfriend was with me at all the check-ups, supported me every day and knew everything immediately, as soon as I was informed. It was the same with my parents, so I didn't have to tell them anything, they knew everything at the same time as me.

They say experience is a big deal. During the second treatment, I was a little calmer, although it was more difficult. I knew I could handle it and get back on my feet again. The first time was a shock because I didn't know anything, didn't read, didn't have information, didn't know any cases... Then people who had experienced it began to appear, wanting support, and I hadn't even recovered from the illness myself. I was just trying to hold on and not lose heart. Therefore, the first time was more difficult, not only because of the illness itself and the lack of knowledge, but also because my contract with Las Palmas was expiring, and my life was different. I wasn't living with my girlfriend then, she was going to study in Valencia, but she decided to stay with me. We started living together, my parents came, and I went from a bachelor life to living with four people in the house... Everything happened very quickly and unexpectedly. This time we were already ready and knew what to do.

My girlfriend and Benito Ramírez are the most important people in my life. They went through it with me for the first time, and I trust them the most, I tell them about everything, even what I'm thinking. My girlfriend is ninety percent responsible for the fact that my life was so joyful and peaceful, and that I was able to recover. Even if she had bad days, she always came home in a good mood and tried to cheer me up. Benito is like a brother to me, he has always supported me. I can tell him everything, and he can tell me everything he thinks without hesitation. He can tell me to my face what I'm doing wrong or what I'm doing well. They were the most important people for me in this whole process.

My mom says that I am very organized and that I have everything planned. This is not always good, because life throws surprises, and you need to be able to deal with them. But I tell her that I know how to get up after falls. I still have plans and I know what I want to achieve. I think and analyze a lot... Even when I go to dinner, I notice everything. My girlfriend says that I am very picky, that everything has to be perfect for me, and this is not always good. But I don't think my character will change much with age.

I had six days of chemotherapy, which were difficult, but I tolerated them normally. I could eat and do everything. After that, there was an autotransplantation. I had a coughing fit, which was very unpleasant, but then everything went well. Six days after the autotransplantation, the body reaches zero, when it accepts frozen stem cells, and a reboot occurs. At home, I said that it was like turning off the router (Laughs). For a few days, I couldn't eat anything and was lying in bed. My father asked why I wasn't calling, and I replied that I didn't have the strength. I felt bad, but I had to get through it. When it was all over, I started to recover and feel better. I was told that I would be discharged between the fourteenth and fifteenth day, so I only asked that the platelets and defenses rise. I felt good, but the indicators had to be normal. These days were difficult psychologically, because I needed air, I wanted to go outside, lie on the couch, talk to someone outside the hospital. I wanted the sun to shine on me, to eat homemade food. Even when my mother came and cooked for me, everything went for the better.

I am grateful for everything. Personally, I feel gratitude. I think it benefited me, not only because I was able to train and restore my body, but also because I returned to my normal rhythm of life. It helped me play again. I remember leaving the hospital, going to the nutritionist, and starting to train with Andrés Pérez. My girlfriend had to be nearby, in case something happened to me, because I had very low platelets, and any scratch could lead to bleeding. We rode our bikes a little and did mobility exercises, but it was important to get back into a sports regime.

One day I woke up with bone pain and felt unwell, so I stayed in the gym. Andrés, who supported me, could see from my face whether I needed support, whether I needed to be cheered up, or stopped, because I might want to do more than I should. He asked if everything was okay, I explained that I was not comfortable, and he said that we should stop. There were many training sessions in Marbella, almost every six hours. I took it normally, because there are days when the hamstring hurts, and you stop. For me, it was like a mild flu.

Perhaps this is due not only to the physical, but also to the psychological state. I asked the coach to allow me to go with the team to a friendly match in La Orotava, to be with my family, with my parents, friends. I rested and distracted myself a little, played darts, went to the beach, had barbecues. It gave me strength when I returned to training. I felt changes in my breathing, in my endurance. Before that, I could barely move.

From the moment he arrived, the new coach was very attentive to everyone. He said that if we needed anything, he would be there, both in football and in personal terms. He called me to find out how I was and ask what I needed. He said that he would support me in everything, and that I should not hesitate if I felt unwell. Several times I had to stop and not attend some training sessions to spend more time with my family. He allowed me to do this without any problems. From the very beginning, he adapted most of the training so that I could get back into shape. Sometimes he asked me to do segments of training with greater intensity, and I went with fear, because I did not know if I could. But since they had data on my physical fitness, they knew how much they could push me. It helped me feel better. It's the same now. I often joke that almost every week I have to play for the team that opposes us in training. But I think they do it on purpose, because it helps me move, run, get in shape.

I don't think I needed to prepare, because I already did it last time. When something has happened to you before, you know that it can happen again, and you need to be prepared. I could recover and return to life, I could recover, but not return to football, I could not recover at all. I had to be prepared for everything. Perhaps it was easier for me because I had already gone through this process, and the disease was the same. I knew exactly what I had to do. I wasn't afraid because I was morally prepared for everything.

I think my hematologist is a wonderful person. She always cares about you and everything. She was on vacation, but she didn't disconnect to find out the results of my tests, send them to me, call. She was always in touch to tell me what to do. It's incredible. One day, when I was undergoing chemotherapy, she came to me and my girlfriend to ask if we wanted hamburgers. She has a hamburger shop, and she brought them to us so we could try them. She is very dedicated to others. She always sent me messages of support, and when I was discharged, she celebrated it as if it had happened to her family. Her attitude influenced my recovery, because her positive energy was transmitted to me.

I feel more desire to play and compete. But I ask myself a question that I don't have an answer to. Maybe it's because of the circumstances, maybe it's because of the decisions, maybe it's because I hoped to stay in the First Division with Las Palmas, and the relegation upset me a little. Maybe I feel guilty for the relegation, and I think I need to go through this path again. Maybe I won't be the same as before... I don't know. I would like to know this in order to focus on it and see how I can deal with it. I think that maybe my stage here is over, and that's why I don't feel comfortable. I have experienced both times when I was sick here, in the same house, looking in the same mirror, going to the same places, having the same traditions, knowing where to park in the hospital. Perhaps this oversaturation with monotony has become difficult for me, and that is why I cannot find enthusiasm. I am sure that I will find it, because I am looking for it and working on it. I want to play, I like to train, I like to talk about football. I think that with each time I know more and at the same time I know less. I have always been interested in everything that surrounds football. Now Luis Enrique is doing something completely different, and I am impressed that he has such a mentality. I still have the enthusiasm to work, train, recover and demand from myself in football. Maybe I lack the enthusiasm to play, but believe me, I will find it.

I don't know how much I have left to play. It will depend on the coach, on when he decides to give me a chance. Training is not the same as competing. You can see yourself at one hundred percent in training, but compete at twenty-five. I have never been very euphoric when celebrating goals. I hope my debut will be calm. I want it to be natural, and it will be best for both me and the club.